Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
