But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.