This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.