im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.