Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa