Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
