By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sarcasm needs its own font
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
