What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
