Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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