im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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