the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
