is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
