soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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