I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
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So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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