i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
