All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
