Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
