Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
