Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
