it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
