My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize