you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
