i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
