MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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