he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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