how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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