im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
