I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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