His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
