the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
