Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
