four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
