I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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