I didn't shave. On purpose
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
