Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
