You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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