haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this just has baby written all over it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
