He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
