At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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