Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
