he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
