The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
