see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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