Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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