The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
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I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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