Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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