He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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