textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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