I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
