I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
