I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
