Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
