What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
