Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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