He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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