She announced her abortion via fbk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
