Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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