I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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