I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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